1
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:23,280
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

2
00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:27,660
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

3
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:31,900
I know I am, I'm sure I am.

4
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:35,280
I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

5
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:41,060
I know I am, I'm sure I am. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

6
00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:55,190
I want you to tell me something and I
want you to be absolutely honest.

7
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,230
How old do you think I look?

8
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:01,100
Absolutely honest? That's right. Forty
-five.

9
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,500
Yes, well, there's no need to be that
honest.

10
00:01:04,501 --> 00:01:08,609
I normally pass for early thirties.
Yeah, in a darkened room with your back

11
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,249
the window.

12
00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:12,620
But not in the harsh light of day,
Archie. Let's face it, you've aged.

13
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:13,649
I know.

14
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:18,509
These last weeks have certainly etched
in a few more lines, Roy. I mean, look

15
00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:20,680
the... Suffering in that face, it's a
tragedy.

16
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,569
Oh, never mind, Archie, you may have
aged, but you still kept your looks.

17
00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:24,369
Do you think so?

18
00:01:24,370 --> 00:01:27,929
Yeah, a little worn round the edges, but
you still retain that sort of male

19
00:01:27,930 --> 00:01:29,830
beauty that can set the pulses racing.

20
00:01:30,230 --> 00:01:32,830
A little greyer, a little less air,
perhaps.

21
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:35,509
A little less hair, my God, is it
beginning to show?

22
00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:38,129
Well, there were three more strands in
the comb this morning.

23
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:41,330
Oh, it's so fine, such a silky texture.

24
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,330
Do you have anything I can use to keep
it in, I guess?

25
00:01:45,650 --> 00:01:46,850
I've got a cigarette box.

26
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I'm talking about a remedy. After all,
you're supposed to be the medical expert

27
00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,779
round here. Well, there is one method
that's quite effective. Stand on your

28
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:58,499
for half an hour each day. It gets the
blood from the follicles. It feeds the

29
00:01:58,500 --> 00:01:59,550
roots of the hair.

30
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:01,439
Mind you, it gives you terrible
headaches.

31
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,810
If I can hardly stand on my feet and you
expect me to stand on my head?

32
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,260
Phil, I have to do something.

33
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:09,110
Women won't look at a man with a
receding hairline.

34
00:02:09,539 --> 00:02:11,800
They say bee stings can be very
effective.

35
00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:14,000
Bee stings? Yes, it's a technique.

36
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,179
Well, how do they get the bees to sting
you? Tap the eye and shove your head in

37
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,630
it? Are they trained to dive on you one
by one?

38
00:02:19,830 --> 00:02:20,880
Of course not.

39
00:02:20,881 --> 00:02:24,589
They probably put one in a bottle, shake
it up until you get angry and stick it

40
00:02:24,590 --> 00:02:25,409
on your head.

41
00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:26,730
Sounds a bit drastic to me.

42
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:31,049
Actually, there's only one sure way to
ensure a complete head of hair,

43
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:32,149
speaking. What's that?

44
00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:33,200
Castration.

45
00:02:34,630 --> 00:02:38,120
Still, I suppose that defeats the object
of the exercise in your case.

46
00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:42,749
It's not funny, Figgy. What's all this
about, Archie? Has some bird turned you

47
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:46,159
down again? Is that what it's all about?
No, of course not. It's just that...

48
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:51,040
I want to put in for this job, and the
age limit is 35.

49
00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:54,259
Do you think I'll get away with it? I
don't see why not, as long as it doesn't

50
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:55,760
involve humping things about.

51
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,220
Humping things about?

52
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:04,239
I'm a senior executive. I don't hump
things about, Figgis. No, this is a high

53
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,740
-powered executive position.

54
00:03:05,741 --> 00:03:08,759
Not that I'm going to be very impressed
with a letter written from a hospital

55
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,199
bed. You never know, they might be
impressed by your courage, your natural

56
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,060
resilience, your Dunkirk spirit.

57
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,320
It's a pity you look as sick as a dog.

58
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,099
I know.

59
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,440
I wish I felt better.

60
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:23,860
I haven't felt really well for years.

61
00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:26,080
Age is a terrible thing, you know.

62
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,560
I have a job getting my breath easy.

63
00:03:28,561 --> 00:03:31,759
You're not the only one, Archie. The
trouble is we're burned out.

64
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,119
I only have to run upstairs and I'm
breathless. That's another thing that

65
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,860
defeats the object of the exercise.

66
00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:39,139
You know what's happened, don't you?

67
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:41,190
The lungs have gone, and do you know
why?

68
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,480
Pollution. Too much lead in the
atmosphere. It's all this petrol

69
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,010
Every time I drive that lorry down the
road, I can see the trees wilt.

70
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:50,840
It's damage in the atmosphere.

71
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,700
That and underarm sprays.

72
00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:57,039
We should do something about it. We
should join friends of the earth,

73
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,299
before we end up in it. Yes, well,
before the world finally disintegrates,

74
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:02,140
you mind if I get a decent job?

75
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,000
Well, no, no, you put in for it.

76
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:06,840
Norman, would you like a cigarette?

77
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:08,790
Oh!

78
00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:14,659
Now then, I want you to tell me
something, and I want you to be

79
00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:15,880
honest.

80
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:18,410
How old am I?

81
00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:20,099
Why, can't you remember?

82
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,680
I mean, how old do I look?

83
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:28,979
Oh, I'm not very good at getting ages,
Archie. Oh, come on, have a go. I won't

84
00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:30,030
be offended.

85
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:32,420
Um, 48?

86
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,990
No, you're not very good, are you? In
fact, you're bloody awful.

87
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,540
What's the matter with you?

88
00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:44,759
Well, you may not believe this, boy, but
before I came in here, I'd never smoked

89
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:45,539
a cigarette.

90
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:46,680
Mother never approved.

91
00:04:46,681 --> 00:04:49,299
Yeah, well, I sort of guessed that. You
see, the thing is, you don't burn

92
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:52,779
evenly. You'll never do any good unless
you burn evenly, and you don't take it

93
00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:56,259
down. You can't enjoy a good cigarette
unless you take it down. I think I shall

94
00:04:56,260 --> 00:05:00,479
get a gold cigarette case, paper thin
and a lighter to match. I think that

95
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,660
very sophisticated.

96
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,670
There's more to smoking than a gold
cigarette case.

97
00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:07,900
The way you smoke a cigarette can be
very revealing.

98
00:05:07,901 --> 00:05:11,859
In what way? Well, they're smoking it
behind the back of the head. That's

99
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,339
reminiscent of the prison yard.

100
00:05:13,340 --> 00:05:15,519
They're holding it in the fingers,
pufter style.

101
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,239
Or they're flicking it about in a
nervous and agitated manner. Or simply

102
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,239
it droop from the lower lip. You
normally get that in food shops.

103
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:27,359
Now, the way a cigarette is smoked can
tell us a great deal about the person

104
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,410
behind it.

105
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,100
Oh, uh, Mr. Paul.

106
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,880
Just a minute, Gupta. Did I hear a
voice?

107
00:05:34,510 --> 00:05:39,150
Do I detect a plan of life behind this
smoke -laden haze? Could I have a word,

108
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:41,110
Doctor? Good heavens, it's Glover.

109
00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:44,670
Is all that smoke emanating from you, or
is the bed on fire?

110
00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:47,040
A little serious.

111
00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:51,540
I'm going to ask you something, and I
want you to be absolutely honest.

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00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:53,990
How old do you think I look?

113
00:05:54,290 --> 00:05:57,060
It's very difficult to say, Glover. I
can barely see you.

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00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:01,280
But don't worry, you won't be looking
much older, not with all this smoking.

115
00:06:01,281 --> 00:06:03,769
You do anything about this smoking?

116
00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:05,150
Yes, Mr. Topp. Good.

117
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:07,230
I'm sending out for more ashtrays.

118
00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:12,349
More ashtrays? Good, but this is a
hospital, not a first -class smoker.

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00:06:12,350 --> 00:06:14,640
trying to make them well, not finish
them off.

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00:06:15,130 --> 00:06:16,790
Must have lungs like parchment.

121
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:18,670
Shall I open a window?

122
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:21,310
Yes, but do it slowly. We're in a
smokeless zone.

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00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:24,590
Good Lord, even Norman.

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00:06:24,591 --> 00:06:27,339
Norman, what on earth do you think
you're doing?

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00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:28,390
Smoking a cigarette.

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00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:32,139
Norman, please don't start this
disgusting habit. You may think as

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00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:36,059
got a certain glamour, but I can assure
you, this is a noxious weed that can

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00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:39,790
lead to lung cancer, breathing problems,
thrombosis, and an early death.

129
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,090
I've only had three.

130
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:44,240
Yes, but... See you soon.

131
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,670
Cigarettes can seriously damage your
health. They can.

132
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:49,920
It doesn't say they will.

133
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:51,360
What do you want, a garntie?

134
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,230
Well, some people seem to stay healthy
enough.

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00:06:54,231 --> 00:06:57,759
Look, Norman, don't be taken in by these
adverts. You may have seen that

136
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:02,099
photograph of the lean, bronzed cowboy
smoking a cigarette gazing into the wide

137
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,699
blue yonder, but I can assure you, if he
carried on like that, there'd soon be

138
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:07,120
an empty saddle nail corral.

139
00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:11,479
That's not going to happen to me,
Doctor. I don't take it down. I just

140
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,530
blow it around.

141
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:16,659
You don't have to take it down. Down,
Norman, you're inhaling 40 a day,

142
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:17,619
next to figures.

143
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:22,719
Just a minute, Doctor. It's still a free
country, and after all, it does depend

144
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,340
on your own personal metabolism.

145
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,479
I've smoked 40 cigarettes a day for
years, and it's never done me any harm.

146
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:32,800
fact, up until last year, I always won
the works cross -country race.

147
00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:36,219
Yes, but what happened last year?
Figures beginning to slow down, eh?

148
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:38,160
Well, Al Parsons won it, didn't he?

149
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:42,289
Well, dare I go out in the living and
suggest that Alf Parsons doesn't smoke

150
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:45,960
cigarettes a day? That's true. He smokes
50 and supplements it with a pipe.

151
00:07:45,961 --> 00:07:48,449
And I didn't say there weren't
exceptions.

152
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:52,189
Alf Parsons is certainly an exception.
He's the life and soul of the loading

153
00:07:52,190 --> 00:07:57,049
bay. Always laughing, he smiles, reads
in smoke, ash all down his front. He's a

154
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:58,450
real live wire.

155
00:07:58,451 --> 00:08:01,989
That's all very well, Tickers, but you
won't be laughing. None of you will. Not

156
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:05,240
with all the wheezing and coughing
that's coming from this ward.

157
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,760
49, Glover.

158
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,219
I don't think he meant that, Bill. I
just tried to frighten you. Is it really

159
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:18,859
that dangerous? Everything at this
risk's normal. I see our managing

160
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:21,000
been struck by a fly in champagne cork.

161
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,459
Could lose his eye over it. What are you
reading? Big works journal, isn't it?

162
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,819
I'm looking to see if I get a mention.

163
00:08:25,820 --> 00:08:30,299
Oh, yes, here am I. Best wishes to Roy
Figgis, popular driver of the export

164
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,279
sales fiction.

165
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,860
Get well soon, Roy. We miss your smiling
face.

166
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,640
Pack it at 200 on the way. Oh, that's
nice, isn't it?

167
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:41,039
It's nice if you've got a job. I told
you to put in for it.

168
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,979
I know, there's a bit about Alf Parsons
here. I wonder what he's been up to.

169
00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:46,340
He's a lad, is Alf.

170
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,280
Suddenly at home, aged 14.

171
00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,490
No flowers by request.

172
00:08:55,270 --> 00:08:58,290
All donations to the Amateur Athletic
Association.

173
00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:07,090
What are you doing, Fig? Nothing.

174
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:09,050
Come on, what are you doing?

175
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,910
That's not that funny.

176
00:09:14,390 --> 00:09:18,290
You've got the wind up, Fig. They've
frightened you. Of course I'm

177
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:21,460
You didn't know Alf Parsons. I thought
he was indestructible.

178
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:25,049
Apparently, he was helping his brother
move a piano. He stopped on the stairs

179
00:09:25,050 --> 00:09:28,600
catch his breath, said to his brother,
flash the ash and drop down dead.

180
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:31,770
Those were his last words. Flash the
ash. He never learned.

181
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:35,029
Well, I'm going to cut it down from now
on. That's why I've got the pipe. You

182
00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:38,169
should see what I'm finding in the
filter. That used to go into my lungs,

183
00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:40,349
You give it up, Norman, before it's too
late.

184
00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:43,609
But I don't want to give it up, Fig.
It's the first dangerous thing I've done

185
00:09:43,610 --> 00:09:44,449
my life.

186
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:47,399
I was never allowed to smoke at home.
I've never been one of the lads.

187
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:51,899
I've never said, flash the ash, or suck
a match with my fingernail, or shared a

188
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:54,659
cigarette with a girl. Shared a
cigarette with a girl? You think it's a

189
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:58,090
sex symbol? You think you're Humphrey
Bleed and Bogart? No, I don't.

190
00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:02,380
I've had a reply about that job. They're
coming to interview me on Thursday.

191
00:10:02,381 --> 00:10:05,439
And you're right, Figgis, they weren't
impressed that I wrote from hospital.

192
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,400
They said that they admired my honesty.

193
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,550
The only trouble is I told them I was
35.

194
00:10:09,551 --> 00:10:11,779
Well, they won't admire your honesty for
long.

195
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:14,460
You wouldn't pass for 35 with a bag over
your head.

196
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,350
Doctor?

197
00:10:16,351 --> 00:10:20,399
Gupta, I want to ask you something, and
I want you to be absolutely honest with

198
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,119
me. No, no, please do not ask me, my
dear Glover. I do not wish to be

199
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,119
It was a prize, Gupta, like guessing the
weight of the cake. Now, please. Come

200
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,340
on, don't be afraid.

201
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,180
How old do you think I look? Now, you
won't tell me.

202
00:10:31,820 --> 00:10:36,220
Well, in that case, I think you are very
youthful, well -preserved, 50.

203
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,130
Don't be ridiculous.

204
00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:43,139
I'm much younger than that. Mr. Thorpe
is right. You should take more exercise.

205
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:44,190
You're not fit.

206
00:10:44,191 --> 00:10:47,579
You smoke too much. Of course I smoke
too much. That's because I live on my

207
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,040
nerves, Doctor. I can't relax.

208
00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:50,840
Ah, ah. Then I can help you there.

209
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:54,980
I was like that once. Nervous, intense,
excitable. Then I took up yoga. Yoga?

210
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,640
Yes. Yoga teaches you to relax the mind
by relaxing the body.

211
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:01,679
Come, let me show you. Let me see you
dark the lotus position.

212
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,030
Sit there. Arms by your side. Now cross
your legs.

213
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,220
Cross. Yes. Up.

214
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:09,500
Careful, Doctor. I'm a thick man.

215
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,080
That is the lotus position.

216
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:15,330
What is the matter? I think you've
crushed his petals.

217
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,400
Give it right up to your operation.

218
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,640
Let's try the womb position.

219
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,360
You'll find that much easier.

220
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:27,740
That is the womb position.

221
00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:30,900
How long do I have to stay like this?
Nine months.

222
00:11:31,771 --> 00:11:36,679
What's the matter with Glover? Has he
made a spasm?

223
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,120
No, he's in the womb position.

224
00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:39,630
Womb position?

225
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,440
He's a bit big for that.

226
00:11:41,441 --> 00:11:43,479
It is yoga.

227
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:48,420
It will encourage him to take his mind
off the smoking. Oh, good idea, Gupta.

228
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,420
Now, but are you receiving, ma 'am?

229
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:59,319
I've just been looking at your records.
If you carry on smoking at the rate you

230
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,670
are doing, you'll soon be in the dead
position.

231
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,800
That goes for you too, people.

232
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,400
What's that in your mouth?

233
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,000
It's a pipe, doctor.

234
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:12,709
I can see that. Where's your willpower,
figures? You're simply giving up one

235
00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:13,969
filthy habit for another.

236
00:12:13,970 --> 00:12:17,069
No, you're wrong there, Doctor. This is
much more hygienic. You see, all the

237
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,380
nicotine is collected in the filter in
the stem. It's much cleaner.

238
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:21,949
Much

239
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:29,289
cleaner

240
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,350
for who, figures?

241
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:34,390
Oh, what's the matter with you?

242
00:12:34,850 --> 00:12:37,320
Oh, it's no good, Roy. I've got to have
a cigarette.

243
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:38,800
Willpower, Archie.

244
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,370
Well, I can't relax. I think I've got
withdrawal symptoms.

245
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,500
Norman, give me a cigarette. You told me
not to give you one until the morning.

246
00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:50,400
Give me a cigarette, Norman.

247
00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:53,170
No, you said I wasn't to give you one,
even if you asked.

248
00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:57,620
Norman, I want a cigarette.

249
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:02,019
You said no matter how much you begged
or pleaded, I wasn't to give you one.

250
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:05,379
not begging or pleading. I'm
threatening. You said even if you

251
00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:06,460
wasn't to give you one.

252
00:13:06,590 --> 00:13:08,270
Give me a cigarette.

253
00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:10,910
There's no need to get nasty about it.

254
00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:16,130
Oh, Biggis. I had to do it, Archie.

255
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,580
Yes.

256
00:13:17,770 --> 00:13:20,960
Yes, you're right, Roy. It's got to be
the cold turkey treatment.

257
00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:24,270
That wasn't a bad moment. Try to be a
bit firmer next time.

258
00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:27,180
I'm not staying here. It's getting too
dangerous.

259
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,329
I think I should go and watch some
television. Now, have I got everything?

260
00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,990
Lighter, cigarette cake, reserve pack.
Yes, that's it.

261
00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:35,570
I'll see you later.

262
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,840
There he goes, complete with his junior
smoking kit.

263
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:43,080
Some people never learn. Well, it's
clean living for me from now on.

264
00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:46,100
Man, it's not going to be easy. I've
always smoked.

265
00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:49,900
I've always enjoyed the gentle fragrance
of golden Virginia.

266
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,599
Oh, shut up, Figgis. I'm irritable
enough as it is, and I've got this

267
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,730
tomorrow. Oh, never mind, Archie. Try
some of this. What's that?

268
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,050
Snuff.

269
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:03,419
This box could be the answer to all our
problems. A drop of this up the hooter

270
00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:08,959
to excite the nasal membranes and you
can forget all about smoking. That is,

271
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,340
you can take it.

272
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,460
If I can take it?

273
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:18,500
Of course I can take it. The ability to
take enough is the mark of a gentleman.

274
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:21,760
In that case, would you care to partake
of a pinch, old fruit?

275
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:23,960
After you.

276
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:25,690
Certainly.

277
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,510
It's mine to be ashamed of.

278
00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:05,890
I'll have to see if I can get some more.

279
00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:54,779
Carmen, what are we watching tonight?

280
00:15:54,780 --> 00:16:00,620
Oh, it's... Bloody hell!

281
00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:02,500
Can't you be more careful?

282
00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:04,500
You burned my backside, you damn fool!

283
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:05,980
God, I'm sorry! Sorry?

284
00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:08,199
You're bloody dangerous! You shouldn't
be allowed!

285
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,250
Stupid idiot!

286
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:30,050
I think there's a fire.

287
00:16:31,710 --> 00:16:32,810
What have you done?

288
00:16:32,811 --> 00:16:34,249
I'm sorry.

289
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:39,249
I feel fine, Piggott. I just wish you'd
stop asking me, that's all. I wouldn't

290
00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,849
have asked, only I thought you seemed a
little short -tempered this morning.

291
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,609
Short -tempered? I'm not short
-tempered. The Doctor thinks you're

292
00:16:44,610 --> 00:16:46,769
-tempered. Why should he think that? I
think it's the way you threw your

293
00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:49,050
breakfast at him. That was an accident.

294
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:52,629
You've had a lot of accidents just
lately, Archie. That's because you're

295
00:16:52,630 --> 00:16:55,880
and irritable. Tense and irritable? I'm
not tense and irritable.

296
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:59,019
Oh, never mind, Archie. It's going to be
easier from now on. Norman's given it

297
00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:01,959
up. He tried smoking two cigarettes at
once last night and threw up in the

298
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,559
toilets. It's got nothing to do with
smoking. It's just that I've got this

299
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,610
interview.

300
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:08,169
No wonder I'm tense.

301
00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:11,799
Mr Hargreaves is waiting in the day room
to see you. I believe it's about the

302
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,850
job.

303
00:17:12,859 --> 00:17:14,720
Well, this is it.

304
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:19,290
Not that I'm worried. I mean, it's only
an interview. He can't eat me.

305
00:17:26,089 --> 00:17:28,770
Now, Mr. Glover, how do you do? Good
morning.

306
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,350
Please sit down. Thank you.

307
00:17:30,351 --> 00:17:34,489
Now, first of all, I'd like to say that
the board were very impressed by your

308
00:17:34,490 --> 00:17:37,869
application, particularly if it came
from a sickbed. It shows the kind of

309
00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:39,509
fighting spirit the company needs.

310
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:43,590
Thank you. Now, I see you give your age
as 35.

311
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:45,940
Yes.

312
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:50,480
Yes, you must have suffered a great
deal.

313
00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:57,150
The question is, will you be fit enough
for the post we have in mind?

314
00:17:57,151 --> 00:18:00,569
Fit enough? Of course I'll be fit
enough. I'm getting better every day.

315
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:04,089
need is a few weeks rest and
recuperation. I wouldn't have put in for

316
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:05,469
I didn't think I was fit enough.

317
00:18:05,470 --> 00:18:06,520
Good.

318
00:18:06,521 --> 00:18:08,869
No trouble with your old nerves or
anything like that?

319
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,069
Nerves? Good heavens, no.

320
00:18:10,070 --> 00:18:12,969
Only you would be working under a great
deal of pressure with long hours and

321
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:14,229
considerable travelling.

322
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:16,640
Oh, don't worry about that. I thrive on
pressure.

323
00:18:16,781 --> 00:18:18,589
Splendid, splendid.

324
00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:20,370
Now, oh, do you mind if I smoke?

325
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:21,760
Smoke.

326
00:18:22,131 --> 00:18:24,159
No, go ahead.

327
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,720
Would you care for a cigarette?

328
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,170
No, thank you.

329
00:18:27,171 --> 00:18:31,339
No, you're quite right. It's a filthy
habit.

330
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:37,740
Now... Now, the man we want must be good
with people.

331
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,280
Are you good with people, Mr Glover?

332
00:18:40,281 --> 00:18:42,039
I beg your pardon?

333
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,520
Are you good with people?

334
00:18:43,521 --> 00:18:45,689
Of course I'm good with people. Ask
anyone.

335
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:50,030
Your main responsibility will be dealing
with employees and union officials.

336
00:18:50,031 --> 00:18:53,209
Now, do you think you could cope with
that? Union officials? Don't worry, I

337
00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:55,680
how to deal with them. Belly -aching
bunch of reds.

338
00:18:56,350 --> 00:18:57,400
I beg your pardon?

339
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,520
Ruining a country.

340
00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:01,069
Absenteeism. Broken agreement.
Unofficial strikes.

341
00:19:01,070 --> 00:19:03,709
Not that they can deal. I mean, have you
ever met a shop steward who wasn't as

342
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,130
thick as two short planks?

343
00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:09,809
Yes, but we were hoping for some tact
and diplomacy. Tact and diplomacy? They

344
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:11,489
don't understand tact and diplomacy.

345
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:12,930
All they understand is force.

346
00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:14,490
The iron hand in the iron glove.

347
00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:16,670
I don't think you quite understand.

348
00:19:16,671 --> 00:19:19,149
Oh, I understand, all right, and I blame
management.

349
00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:23,110
You're all so wet and spineless, you let
them walk all over you. Now, steady on,

350
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:24,990
old chap. Who are you calling old chap?

351
00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:29,809
I'm not old. I'm not as old as you. I
bet you've got ten years on me, and I'm

352
00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:33,409
fitter, and you know why? Because I
don't sit around smoking and asking damn

353
00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:34,460
silly questions.

354
00:19:34,461 --> 00:19:37,589
Yes, you're right, it is a filthy habit,
and you should give it up, but you

355
00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:39,989
can't. You know why? Because you haven't
got the willpower. There's a trouble

356
00:19:39,990 --> 00:19:41,430
with British industry today.

357
00:19:41,630 --> 00:19:42,680
Gutless!

358
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,320
Oh, I don't think so, Doctor.

359
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,650
Must be me.

360
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:15,800
The threat of fire haunts me day and
night. It's almost smoking.

361
00:20:16,140 --> 00:20:17,880
Do you know the cause of most fires?

362
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,220
Carelessly discarded cigarette ends.

363
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,500
I mean, look at Norman.

364
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,150
He's already set fire to Gupta in a
woman's handbag.

365
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:26,760
He's only been smoking for two days.

366
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:30,020
Of course, you're very high up here.

367
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:33,419
If there was a fire, you could find
yourself knotting sheets.

368
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:34,419
Yes, Doctor.

369
00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:36,939
Even then, I don't think they've reached
the ground.

370
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:40,460
You ever tried hitting a safety net,
Biggus? Not likely, Doctor.

371
00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:41,779
Yeah, it's not easy.

372
00:20:41,780 --> 00:20:45,240
They could be picking off their terrace
like strawberry jam.

373
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:51,900
Of course, the important thing in the
event of a fire is not to panic.

374
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,900
Simply report in an orderly manner to
your nearest assembly point.

375
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,800
Oh, where's that, Doctor? It's up.

376
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,060
Well, how the hell should I know?

377
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:06,339
You'll have to ask someone. The trouble
is, people leave these things a little

378
00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:08,320
too late. Have you been smoking tickets?

379
00:21:08,321 --> 00:21:11,619
Oh, haven't you heard, Doctor? I've
given it up. Good, that's a spirit I'm

380
00:21:11,620 --> 00:21:14,499
to hear. Just cut it out completely.
It's the only way. Now you mention it,

381
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:15,759
Doctor, I think I can smell smoke.

382
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,679
It must be coming up the ventilation
shaft. It's probably from the canteen.

383
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,750
heavens, don't tell me they've set fire
to the chip pan again.

384
00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:38,300
I've got another boiled sweet, Norman.
Can't you sleep?

385
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:39,580
No.

386
00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:43,730
I just don't seem to have the willpower
for this sort of thing.

387
00:21:44,150 --> 00:21:47,520
I don't know how Figgis does it. Look at
him. He's sleeping like a baby.

388
00:21:49,330 --> 00:21:50,950
That's what you think.

389
00:22:04,681 --> 00:22:11,629
through agonies while he's been inhaling
the delicious fragrance of golden

390
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:12,710
Virginia on the slide.

391
00:22:12,981 --> 00:22:14,969
Where is he?

392
00:22:14,970 --> 00:22:18,909
I think he's in the loo. What is going
on? Where is Figgis? You mean the Iron

393
00:22:18,910 --> 00:22:20,530
Man of the Surgical Ward, Gupta?

394
00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:22,910
He's having a crafty drag in the box.

395
00:22:23,250 --> 00:22:24,570
He should not be doing that.

396
00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:25,700
He should be in bed.

397
00:22:25,790 --> 00:22:27,910
Come on. Let's go and find him. Come on.

398
00:22:44,951 --> 00:22:47,139
had the chance to split.

399
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:51,690
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